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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223343">The Many Failed Courtships of Kallian Antiqua</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachineryField/pseuds/MachineryField'>MachineryField</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Xenoblade Chronicles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gay Kallian, Gay Male Character, Gen, Kallian deals with Comphet: The Fic, Minor Character Death, Pre-Canon, Trans Female Character, Trans Melia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:56:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachineryField/pseuds/MachineryField</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kallian was only eighty the first time his mother introduced him to a High Entian girl with the intention of getting him to court her. </p><p>(Or: in which Kallian tries and fails to click with any women, no matter how he tries)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Many Failed Courtships of Kallian Antiqua</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Weirdly cathartic to write someone else trying to deal w the fact they don't experience cishet attraction and not wanting to admit it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kallian was only eighty the first time his mother introduced him to a High Entian girl with the intention of getting him to court her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t realized it at first, utterly oblivious to fancying a girl (a late-bloomer, his father would say when Yumea brought it up in concern, nothing to worry about). He didn’t think that was that important, though. So what if he bloomed late? He was still young, despite his mother being in such a hurry. When he bloomed, he’d bloom!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was his second meeting with Arl’oth when he realized what Yumea had planned. She put her hand under his chin and made him stand a bit straighter shortly before the girl arrived at the Palace to speak with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, dear.” She said, her voice devoid of any real compassion. “You need to look your best if you plan to woo her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woo her?” He made a face. “Mother, we barely know each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is never too soon to begin courting, Kallian. Arl’oth’s father is the Minister of Agriculture. A fine girl to settle down with.” She clicked her tongue. “Do your best to impress, won’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That ruined the meeting, as far as Kallian was concerned. He couldn’t simply look at her as if she was a friend, like he wanted to. He had to look at her like a potential spouse, as his mother wanted him to. But it was so hard…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was pretty, no doubt. She had long, silvery hair that seemed to glisten under the lights of the Palace, and brilliant blue eyes that always looked forward with great intent. A wonderful bride to have for any man…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Any man except Kallian, who could not see her beauty as anything past the way he saw the beauty of the paintings of previous Empresses and Consorts. Beautiful to behold, yes, but not anyone Kallian inspired to be with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not look her in the eye anymore, could not speak to her with the same warmth as before. His words instead became curt, his gaze fixed on the floor instead of on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was after their fifth meeting that he was told she didn’t want to meet with him anymore. And that was fine, he supposed he had not done well at the whole courting business… And Yumea agreed, telling him he needed to do better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll start lessons for that, soon. Worry not, Kallian. We will find a bride for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kallian wasn’t sure he wanted that, but all he did was nod.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second time Yumea introduced him to a girl with the goal of marrying them was when Kallian was ninety years old. His little brother was talking and walking about now, and he was truly more interested in that… But, well, what could one do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ren’zael was introduced to him, for a moment he had hope. Maybe this time he would click with her. She was a bit more on the masculine side than Arl’oth, after all… Something Kallian couldn’t help but find a bit appealing, seeing as it was a change from what he usually saw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a strong face, and short hair that framed it nicely. Her eyes were fiercer, and she seemed to be more of a fighter. Seeing as Yumea mentioned her to be the daughter of the head of the Guard, he supposed that wasn’t surprising.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed the lessons taught to him for ten years to try and court her, hoping the nice feeling of camaraderie would grow into something more romantic. More like the feelings of the heroes and their lovers in books.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that would take years, he thought, as he continued to court her for a good year. Maybe it was normal for feelings to not blossom quickly, and the books simply sped it up for the sake of good storytelling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kallian was unsure, and watching his parents held no answers. They seemed just as distant as he felt from Ren’zael. Getting along, but not truly feeling that passionate love he so longed for…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he continued, until one day Ren’zael came to say goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not looking for a relationship right now, I need to focus on my physical training. I believe it would be best if we stop seeing one another.” She had bowed, polite as she usually was. “Goodbye, Prince Kallian. May you find the girl for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had tried to act hurt as he nodded, but in truth, relief bubbled into his chest as she made the end of their relationship clear. He wished her luck with any training she did, and went to bed that night with a smile on his face. A smile he could not truly explain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zennith was the third girl Yumea tried to set Kallian up with, this time when he was one-hundred years old on the dot, introducing her at his birthday party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had done his best to be polite, glancing over at his little sibling (whom, as it turned out, was actually a girl, though she made him swear to tell no one until she was ready -- a promise he had made with a hand to his chest) every once and a while. She would always give him a look of worry, but no. He could not worry the thirty-seven year old. She was still young, and clearly had a lot on her own platter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he threw himself into the courtship of Zennith, with all he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had darker grey hair than the last two women he’d been introduced to, and the longest to boot -- it stopped right at her bum. Her eyes were soft and she spoke in a feather-light voice, giggling as Kallian faux fawned over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The courtship lasted longer, a good two years, but… Something about it felt more off than the last two. It was as if Zennith herself was trying to fake the same feelings he was having. The daughter of the Minister of Records was a strange one, indeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother, I do not know if she feels anything towards me.” He voiced his concern to Yumea one day and was met with a scoff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You simply aren’t trying hard enough, Kallian!” She had scolded, shaking her head. “Show her what you can truly offer as the Prince!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he had, giving more of himself to her than he had the other girls. Even sharing his first kiss with her, the two deciding to go steady. Steady, quiet, uncomfortable… That was the relationship they were starting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, one day, Zennith came to him crying. She fell into his arms and sobbed for a while, unable to speak. Kallian, doing his best to be the man his mother seemed to think he was to be, he tried to comfort her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she calmed down, she apologized, and said she could not do this anymore. She had tried to like him, truly, but in all honesty? She believed herself to be a lesbian, with no romantic interest in men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kallian had smiled at her and said that was fine, he was just sorry for stealing her first kiss from her future wife, then… But in all reality, it unsettled him a bit. If Zennith had no interest in men, was it possible that he had none in women…?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, that was silly! Yumea was his mother, and knew what was best for him, right? That was why she pushed him towards these women! He was simply… picky. He had to find the right girl for him, that was all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw Zennith off with a forced smile and many thoughts on his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fourth woman Yumea brought to Kallian, a week after Melia came out at the age of forty-five, made him think his mother was running out of options and wanted to get him saddled with a woman fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelin was more of a free spirit than the others had been, her hair cut in an odd way and her eyes never settling in one place. Always looking for some sort of inspiration for her next painting. She was zany, entertaining, and smart. It was no wonder she very well could become the next Minister of Culture should she continue on this path.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was nice, and Kallian enjoyed her company. She was a great friend, but… not the best lover. He tried, truly. He courted her for years, held her in his arms even as it made his stomach churn… Kissed her enough that his lips and soul both felt numb…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it didn’t work. The more he tried to feel something for her, the less he could. Kallian was unable to find her appealing the way he should a partner. Even as he gave his first time to her, it was impossible to look that way. Even as he proposed to her and she said yes, tears in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deep down, he had hoped she would say no. But that didn’t matter, not for long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelin was in an accident when out on Eryth Sea, out painting something as usual. He was sitting with Melia when the news came, a guard rushing into the Villa, out of breath. Kallian had asked what happened, and after that all he remembered was dropping his cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had lost a friend that day, his future wife. He mourned her, of course he did. He cared for her, deeply. But he cared for her platonically. It wasn’t the lost marriage he mourned for, but the conversations they had had. It wasn’t the children they would never have that he longed for, but a person he could tell one day, maybe, that he never did click with women.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, he thought, as he stood quietly at her funeral, this was a sign. Maybe there just wasn’t the right one for him out there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the age of one hundred-thirty, Yumea introduced Kallian to a woman too much like her for his tastes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kerril had long hair she kept in a braid, and icy eyes that reminded him of his mother’s. She was curt and stern, and seemed interested in Kallian only for the position it would put her in. He supposed that was fine, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt nothing for her and she felt nothing for him. A perfect marriage of convenience for both of them, should it work out. She would have the power she wanted, and he would be able to rest knowing Yumea would stop throwing women at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They touched each other rarely, and that was fine by Kallian. The less he had to touch her, the less sick he would feel with himself later. Even when he proposed there was not much joy. She simply said yes with a small smile, and said she was looking forward to their marriage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was starting to settling into allowing this to be his future. A cold marriage, but one he didn’t have to pretend in. A marriage he could live in… But then, Kerril showed her distaste for Melia, and things bubbled over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A filthy half-breed? My sister-in-law?” She had barked in laughter when Melia quietly showed excitement at the wedding. “You’ll be lucky if I look at you for more than a few minutes at a time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t realized Kallian was there, was listening. She was showing an ugly, horribly racist side of herself that Kallian had not seen. No… maybe he had just willfully blinded himself, wanting this so badly to work out. Wanting so badly to have a marriage where no love was expected of him…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t stand by and let this happen. He had told Kerril to get out, holding Melia close to him. Told her she could be sure to never visit again, as he could never marry someone who would treat his sister in such a way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, as he stroked Melia’s hair and listened to her call him such a dummy for not letting her handle it, he realized he was back at square one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, Kallian sat down with Yumea and told her what he had been thinking for a while now. If she truly wanted him to marry a woman, she would simply have to arrange a marriage for him, as it seemed his luck was low in making normal courtship work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would accept any marriage she and his father decided on for him, but he would not court another woman, not after so many failures. Yumea had been angry, tried to argue with him, but he would not listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yumea and Sorean had been an arranged marriage and that had worked, after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had gone silent after that, but nodded. Said it would take time, but he would find her a proper wife that would agree to an arrangement. Kallian had thanked her, though deep down he hoped it would never work out, no matter who he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, he thought, maybe it would be for the best if he stayed away from romance. The more he tried to understand women in a romantic light, the more he felt the urge to stray towards men. Maybe… maybe there was a reason for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for now, he decided it was best to put it all behind him.</span>
</p>
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